A eulogy is not a biography and it is not a performance. The best ones are short, specific and true, and they are usually given by someone who is frightened of giving them. Here is what we tell families who ask.
1. Pick three things
Not the whole life. Three things the person did, said or was, that the people in the room will recognise. A habit, a phrase, a small kindness. Specific beats grand every time: the way they made tea is worth more than “they were always there for us”.
2. Write it down and time it
Three to five minutes is right. Write it out in full, in the words you would say to a friend, and read it aloud with a clock. Print it in a large font, double spaced, and number the pages.
3. Have a second reader
Tell the celebrant who will step in if you cannot finish. Then, if you stop, you simply hand the pages over and sit down. Nobody in that room will think less of you; most will be relieved that someone said it out loud.
